


I demand you to return my heart (before I cry, please.)

by iljhoon



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Heart Break, I Tried, M/M, Noren, One-Sided Attraction, nomin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-05-09 00:44:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14705910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iljhoon/pseuds/iljhoon
Summary: renjun's caught between wanting to love and wanting a friend.





	I demand you to return my heart (before I cry, please.)

~~_oh feelings are fatal._ ~~

In a little town tucked away behind the universe's hands, with pretty sakura flowers decorating the arms of the trees that seemingly wave and bow with every push of the wind, are three friends who hold each other so tightly, whose laughter echoes in each other's rooms; in houses; in gardens. They're Na Jaemin, the heartthrob dealer, whose smile has been said to be blessed by the hands of the sun. Lee Jeno, the giggling baby, whose pretty laughter can heal and mend the wounds of your heart. and Huang Renjun, the graceful lover, whose face is so pretty, it has been said that you'd be blown away. Not to mention how Renjun has to suck it up and be the mature one of the trio, especially when he has to actively convince the other two to not do some reckless decision that they'd later regret. Good thing he's actually really good at being convincing. 

The three of them have always stuck together, since the age of 7 when Renjun moved into the neighbourhood all the way from Jilin, China. He could barely speak any Korean past the usual "hello", yet he had managed to get the attention of Jaemin and Jeno, who had desperately wanted to be his friend. The two didn't even know each other, and it is perhaps through Renjun, that made them connect, like puzzle pieces that were always meant to be. Perhaps, Renjun has always been destined to be the glue, the one that connects. 

So, how can he find it in him, to tell his friends that he may be in love? How can he tell them that it may be Lee Jeno himself? 

**No, he can't. That'd be disastrous. That would cause a catastrophe, and Renjun is very much afraid of thunderstorms.**

Renjun faces some sort of issue when he tries his very best to suppress his feelings for Jeno. He thinks, that the feelings are nothing more than just a little earthquake, and that it would be gone, sooner or later. He doesn't realise how hard it would be for him to act like his usual self around the other two, how suffocating it would be. He never took noticed of how badly he wants to hold the other's hand, how badly he wants to cuddle him at odd hours, laughing and crying and opening up to one another. He never realised till the younger boy fell asleep on his lap one day while he was over for a movie marathon. He never realised, till he found his fingers causally running themselves through Jeno's soft brown hair.

**That was the day when his heart clenched at the knowledge of his growing affection.**

But Renjun, he's a master at hiding emotions. He's basically the king of the deck, constantly knowing how to talk to people in a way that makes them think that they know everything about him, when the truth was that they only know everything that he chooses to show them, everything of his opened book; but there is a locked book. A book that only Renjun has the key too. But lately, he's been thinking of making a copy for Jeno. 

With the way he is, he can't really blame anyone for not knowing of how he really feels. No, he can't. So _why does it hurt_ , when someone came to him to confide, spewing out their feelings for a certain happy boy? What happens when that someone is Na Jaemin of all people, the friend he holds close to his heart? His heart holds conflict and dilemma, but his mind and lips move quicker to give love advice to his best friend. Besides, friendships are more certain, more assured and more real, right?

**So, why does it hurt?**

Renjun believes that everything in life is planned ahead of our time. That everything is meant to be, even if that means fate would plan for your friends to unknowingly stab you in the chest 40 times over, with every time credited to their professions of love for the other. Renjun believed that he could handle Jaemin's sudden act of confession to him, he believed that that would be the end of how bad things can go for him. Sadly, it seems that he has been wildly mistaken in that aspect, when someone none other than Lee Jeno himself, knocks on his door at 4am on an almost winter morning, nearly begging for the older to lend a listening ear to him. 

He lets him in the house and leads him to the living room, before heading to the kitchen. 

* * *

 

_"Warm or cold water?"_

_"Warm please, it's freezing outside."_

Renjun sets a dark blue mug in front of the hair messy boy, while holding his own mustard yellow one in his hands. 

_"So what do you want to talk about-"_

_"Renjun, I think that I'm in love with Jaemin."_

The boy nearly dropped his favourite mug.

* * *

It is one feeling for your best friend to cry out his feelings for _your_ pretty faced crush. It is a different kind of feeling when that exact pretty faced crush comes crying to you about _your_ best friend. At one point is it okay to cry to someone about your feelings? Now, Renjun really believes that he has no one. No one to hear him out. 

**Because who is here to hear you cry about your crush, when your only friend is in love with him?**

He sits in his room, flipping through albums and albums of photos of the three of them. The three of them laughing, posing, just genuinely having the time of their lives. He spots a photo, and stops just to pick it up. Renjun on Jeno's back, the two of them seemed to be in mid laughter; Renjun turns the photo over, and the numbers  _17.05.28_ stares right back at him. He sighs, completely remembering that day to be one of the best yet. (He doesn't forget to note that it was the same week when he fell in love with Jeno 7 times over, each for every different day. If Renjun was a cat, he would want to spend all 9 lives with Jeno. But Jeno has other plans.

* * *

 

For days on end, Renjun would act as the bridge between his friends, as the love therapist who would give advice to one or the other. But days turned to weeks, and weeks turned to months. Truth be told, he was tired, and it would hurt even more when he sees how happy they are.  _Your friends are happy in love with each other, who are you to come between that, Huang Renjun?_ _Why are you upset, you have no rights to._ His ugly thoughts are really starting to get on his nerves as he thrashes about internally. He feels horrible, for while being a form of love advisor, he's falling even more so towards Jeno. 

**_YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS._ **

When Jeno confessed to Jaemin with a bouquet of his favourite flowers, the latter was so happy, he had practically jumped into the taller boy's arms. Jeno makes a mental note to thank Renjun, who told him that _"Jaemin would love it if you give him flowers. He loves that kind of cheesy shit, trust me."_

Renjun's the one who advised them constantly, and he did end up bridging between the two of them, playing as some sort of a red string matchmaker-cupid. So, _why does it hurt_ , when he sees Jaemin's slender fingers look so small intertwined against Jeno's? Why is he holding back tears, when they thank him for his constant support for the couple? Why does his heart clench, so much so that he has to tighten his fist behind his back so that they don't notice? 

_**WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY** _

_**W H Y...?** _

* * *

in the midst of protecting his friendships and the happiness of those he adores the most, the poor boy ended up hurting himself.

**Out of goodwill or out of true love?**

 


End file.
